see through time

hm can't figure out why Jak can't stand Ninja and me. maybe it's the simple fact that I like Ninja better
Idk
can't wait for Jazz Band cuz it's awesome
tired but hyper cuz I ate a cupcake
LoLz

sometimes you must fall

so I suppose Nathaniel and I are at the bottom of our relationship cuz he won't even look at me.
oddly I still feel good that he knows
Squall and I had a conversation! (I didn't even know he was talking to me)
Ninja and I defied gravity.
woah. what kind of universe iiiiisss this?
(see, when I hit bottom about the world (and learned how awful it was) I said Ninja would help me defy gravity) and we did! =0

Don't Look in the Wrong Direction

today is going to be rough cuz the Steelers lost and Nathaniel was probably told everything and you know there will be drama and I'll have a lot of homework and on and on and on
but I bet I'll have fun w/ Ninja

Shadow Walking

"Believe something is impossible, and you will surely fail. But believe in yourself and you can do anything. Be sure of yourself. Let go. Do not think too hard"
-from Varjak Paw
like I know I can't shadow walk, but anything is possible if we believe
******************
I think I look pretty in my homecoming dress ^_^ I think I'll let it be a surprise for everyone.
must stay away from Ninja at the dance
and Idk. I think my hermit crab was eaten by our other one which is like 0.0 how'd that happen???????????

Awareness

"Assume nothing; be sure of the facts"
again from Varjak Paw
*******************
*yawn* tired

Open Mind

"For only when you admit that you know nothing, can you truly know anything."
-Jalal the Paw, from Varjak Paw by SF Said
I love Varjak. he's a cute little cat who learned how to fight and be a leader.
but what he learns can be applied to life, so that's what I'm doing
*******
going dress shoping today

I liked you Nathaniel

told Nathaniel the truth. and felt sad.....but I think it's cuz it totally caught him off guard, and then I think it all made sense to him
and I still have a Nathaniel-shaped hole in my heart.
I don't think Ninja can fill it either
or anyone
it's like.........that game you played when you are little. when you have to put the square in the square shaped hole ect.
maybe I can sew it up. or put a bandaid on it til it doesn't bleed anymore.
when people leave, a similar hole is left....and they all heal so this one will too
going to homecoming by myself
sat with Alex so fun. friends didn't care
Marshall (the craziest guy ever) came over to me and Alex and rapped to us and it made our week LoL

aye

so kinda told Nathaniel the problem. but not really. I just have to get over him
Leah's probably mad that I hang with Ninja. but honestly with out him
I'd be all alone
Lily kept saying that my problem isn't important
and Idk. but the guitar player, Alex, is super cool
Squall.......he stares and Idk what to make of it
I'll probably go to homecoming by myself

grrs

wow okay so Lily is going to flip on Nathaniel
asked 2 guys to homecoming. one wants to go with Lily. the other didn't wanna go (aw he looked so sad )=
and yeah. a bunch of people are now trying to help

Idk

I asked Haili if she would find a date for me. she seems excited to undertake this role.
Ninja and I had fun
Idk. it's sad that I like him and he doesn't feel the same way
oh well, I really hope I find someone

I'm lovin it

woah as I waited to go on I shed some tears of joy
cuz all those people were wrong
we did it. we got a band together. and we were great. not as great as we used to be, but I think we all got it.
we all understand what we're doing and why we're doing it.
and I never dreamed I'd make it back to where I belong

D:

Ninja is going with Leah.......
I can't believe he'd do this to me.
oh well. I still like him which may be stupid
but what can I do?

ITLAP (early)

argh tis International Talk Like a Pirate day (tomorrow, but how am I to celebrate with Ninja?)
me hopes Ninja tells me whether he can go or not.

;-;

wow let's see if I can say what happened yesterday....
yeah here goes

I asked Ninja to the dance =0

and he said yes *squeals*
but. he's not sure if he can go. please let him tell me today that he can go with me.
I don't wanna be trapped waiting like last time.
Apple Jack didn't tell me for a week. and then I heard no from other people before he said anything and yeah it was all set up by a teacher and yeah.
so. I want things to be different (well knowing Ninja they are cuz he was all happy I asked ^_^)
and Sun helped me ask. I owe her so much right now

hmmm

I was melting over Ninja
but I noticed he's a little....annoyed? is it me?
Idk
and Sun's leaving. I dreamt she was yesterday. so weird

little kids

Ninja and I played soldiers in Applied engineering. Ninja fired paper at Jak. he just looked at us
Nathaniel is back to teasing me
and yeah need to do calc. bye

Tiger Soul

I love how Tiger Soul and I still get along after all these years and have the same problems.
I am so happy nowadays........and I think people are jealous. Tiger Soul has the same problem
I remember when we'd be sitting at our lunch table wishing we were popular
but now I know being popular is over-rated. you can be happy cuz of one person who gets you

nature

I enjoyed sitting and doodling in This Is Not a Book

endurance

how long can I endure the chirping of crickets outside my window day and night?
LoL. now I see cool words and phrases everywhere (creative writing)
chirping of crickets
anywho, I don't think saying anything to Nathaniel is going to solve anything.
"hey I liked you last year and thought you cared. but now you just think you're a tough guy and don't care anymore."
it can't change the fact that we won't end up with each other. he has a girl friend I'm melting over Ninja. or the fact that he already left me behind. he can't walk back to me
like I did with Squall, I'm going to say he left too. he's gone. both of them never existed.
hey it worked with Squall. I still talk about him but he holds nothing over me. I'm free of him and it feels sooo good
I hate that Nathaniel holds power over me. I flinch in pain everytime I see him or say or think of things he'd say and do.
but he's gone. so I should enjoy the memories I made up ^_^
that's a sad lie, but perhaps it can save me...................

secret agent

I cannot shake the feeling that there is something going on between me and Ninja.
you'd think I'd know huh?
but I can't tell. sure he was talking to my friend Sun (she came back to my school after missing a year) but he only looked at me as we leaned against the wall
and in applied engineering he just stared at me. and I stared and said what?
he shrugged. we sat on the radiator together.
my classmates stare at us. they think it's odd that I talk so much to this (supposedly) random kid. they do the same thing if they see me with Lily as we yell "my name Jane!"
***********************************************************
I think growing up is over-rated. why should we rush to be older and mature? when we become adults, we long to be child-like again, but we've lost the innocence.
so why not stay child-like?
I mean, you can't neglect your duties n stuff, but you can do that and not grow up. at least I think so.
this summer has taught me how awful the world can be. but it has only pushed me to not grow up. to stay wrapped up in my own happiness
cuz I am happy. I'm who I want to be and people like me for that, though I will never fit into mainsteam society........
isn't that better than being crabby and sophisticated and pompous and stiff?
***************************************************
I definitely think I should do something about Nathaniel and Ninja
perhaps I should confront Nathaniel
and I think I should ask Ninja about Leah or just tell him how I feel.
I got to meet other band kids. it's an honor cuz only the old kids get to ^_^

recording device day 2

oh *smiles blissfully* Ninja returned
he said that mathy people never grow up!!!!! and he loved my salt pepper and little sail boat ^_^
we stood close as he thought and played with all the stuff I brought for our contraption.
but
Nathaniel tears my heart painfully in 2 everytime I see him. like, how to escape it?
does that mean I'd feel better if I never saw him?
........
I am a magnet for volleyballs. Ninja said that I should stop it
and I said I'd look for stuff in my woods "your woods?"
LoL
he makes me realize how dull it would be without him.

recording device

hmmm.
feeling very thoughtful.
Nathaniel laughed at my boat =(
that made feel like he was laughing at me....
as I colored in a bumble bee I drew, it turned into something I couldn't see. though I was coloring it. I like that we don't know where life will take us
I never dreamed I'd have awesome friends

how?

okay what are the chances that Squall and I would have to play a married couple in spanish class?
they must be high.
and sorry but the steelers are losing to detroit. that's what I say.
we will go 14-2 and win the super bowl

labor day

*salutes* happy labor day!

odd words

how did the english language come into existance?

My own personal Kingdom Hearts

somehow, I feel as if I've been thrown into a magical universe like Kingdom Hearts. who knows what will happen........
like in KH, what happens to Riku? he has a troubled existence, but does it ever resolve? and he must have liked Kairi. how could he stand to see Sora weilding the keyblade and hanging out with her??
I wanna know......

concussions

wow I got a concussion yesterday. I hit my head into a table
plus I confessed my love to Ninja..................................my love of Tony Romo, that is. he is awesome.
who says you can't love the Steelers and the Cowboys (though the Steelers are better hahahaha)
have to work with Squall in spanish. why?????????
and Jimmy wants to write a song about me ^_^ but fights with Ray. I don't get why.......(love triangle that I didn't know I was in??)
the pep rally was awful, but the football game was great

Calculus

we learned how to have 3 variables in a 2 variable realm 0.0
I was sooo excited ^_^
I love siting with Ninja. we make swirls on our calculators using polar graphing.
hey and had a short conversation with Squall in which I knew more (twas about music)

bug love

I love bugs. no I'm being serious.
*hearts* so does Ninja. which wowsa is soooo cool
we both loved a bug (until Squall squished it)
what does that say about us?

this isn't happening....

well it is. Lily told everyone I'm mad at Nathaniel. now I need to tell him the truth.
at least Ninja is the most awesome friend
feel bogged down with homework. hopefully it doesn't get worse (oh but it will. I know it will)