What to do with Apple Jack

*sigh*
I dreamt about Ninja (again) and here's what I think:
I think he is great for me, and I could be great for him too since I listen to all his ideas and we think along the same lines
I think that I have trouble knowing how I feel about him
I mean, I like him but I think he likes Leah and I seem okay with it, but I'm afraid I'll get my hopes up and when (and if) he says he likes her, then it'll hurt
my heart shys away from the hurt
Squall really killed my heart, shattered it. other things have too, but everytime I saw him with another girl (Sharpay, for example) it was tough. Nathaniel tried to help. he would make excuses for Squall. say that he didn't know what he was doing
possible
I think Squall liked controlling me. liked being above me. and I want to see him again to prove that he's wrong. I cut the strings, I think I'm free
I think too that Ninja and I have been friends for about a year and like each other but not that way
I think that's why I have trouble saying I like him
anywho
went to band. it felt sooooo good to march
I will not conform to what they do, but they want me there so *shrug*
so Apple Jack supplied me with a stretch (we went around the circle, and I couldn't think of one)
and he seemed to stare at me, tried to talk to me a little, and maybe whispered about me
I feel like an outsider
I'm probably paranoid, but I feel like they talk about me behind my back
Idk
told Ron's gf about us trying to overthrow Jak. that can't be good
Ron thought I'd support FBLA
said no
anywho (wow I canNOT stay on topic)
a small little voice is asking 'does Apple Jack like me?'
we are kindred spirits when it comes to music and marching band
he is against it too, but is in it
and do I like him?
not sure
he's cool though
hmmm
I wonder.........
what if I had never asked him to prom?
what if I didn't dream?
deep...................................